Hey Santa, help me out here.
Sorry I haven't written to you before.
Guess I've been saving up.
Well, this year I've got a big list, but I've been good.
All I want for Christmas is.
One self cleaning kitchen floor.
(Push a button and a shiny new surface emerges - minus pawprints)
Carpeting that doesn't bear the scars of the recent housebreaking war.
I'd like to get out the door without screaming
"off, off, PANYTHOSE!!!"
A cold Winter followed by a dry Spring
Please Santa, no more mud!!!
An end to rawhide fights.
How can I use the stuff as a cheap doggie babysitter if they are noisier
WITH rawhide than without?
Considerate dog owners who leash their pets
So I can move freely about the neighborhood with the furkids without being
circled by yapping small dogs or menaced by ominously large dogs of unknown
An automatic Cocker ear detangler
With a special Booda Bone setting.
Doggie sweaters that fit.
That do not "grow" once on the dog covering tails and creating major
irritation or shrink causing the poor dogs to look like sausages ready to
An uninterrupted night's sleep.
One without the puppy sobbing to get up at 4AM to play, or the old dog's
bladder giving out at 2AM or the young dog returning something she ate at
A full time "yard guard"
to fill holes, scoop poop, repair dog damage, keep order and gather up the
soft toys left outside and scrape off the earthworms before they come back
into the house.
to mend all the disemboweled dog toys piling up in the closet awaiting
A lifetime supply of free vet care
(or at least some sort of "frequent flier" discount)
Massive acts of love, kindness and sanity.
I want everyone who loves dogs to do something nice for a local shelter or
rescue. Take in treats or food, volunteer to walk a dog, cuddle a puppy -
whatever. All pet owners to spay or neuter their pets so overworked shelter
staffs can concentrate on the millions of homeless pets already in need. I
want every lost pet to find their way home. I want every abused, neglected
or abandoned pet to find a loving new home.
Oh, I know it's a tall order Santa, but they say miracles happen at
Oh, and could you please send an elf to take
Duncan to puppy school.