By Edgar Allen Pug
ŠThe AKC Gazette and Hyman Handrix
As I sat this evening dining
I was sure I heard a whining
Like some tortured spirit pining
In its mortuary sheet.
In pursuit of understanding,
Fearfully I checked the landing
Where I found a dachshund standing
Costumed as a luncheon meat.
"Just a wiener dog," I muttered
As my heart resumed its beat.
Quote the dachshund,
"Trick or Treat!"
All at once my mood grew meaner
For how dare this Hallowiener
With a nonchalant demeanor
Come demanding "Trick or Treat"?
Such a greedy, brazen greeting!
Who invented Trick-or-Treating?
Surely they deserve a beating
Heaven help them should we meet
They'd regret the day they ever
Thought it might be kind of neat
To start saying, "Trick or Treat!"
But I didn't wish to quibble
So I parted with a kibble
And I glumly watched him nibble
Like a piglet at a teat.
Then he finished, smiling brightly
"Thank you, Sir," he said politely
And proceeded to invite me
To go traipsing up the street,
Traipsing like a wretched begger
Brashly craying, "Trick or Treat!"
(Said I'd get a lot to eat.)
Then my eyes began to glitter
Maybe I had been too bitter
It was time to reconsider
In a flash I hit the street
And I made out like a bandit
Now I fully understand it
And I've really got to hand it
To the talented elite
Who were gifted with the genius
To discover Trick or Treat!
